Log in

heaven ain't close to a place like this
[Most Recent Entries] [Calendar View] [Friends]

Below are the 16 most recent journal entries recorded in Caitlin Ayn's LiveJournal:

Saturday, December 18th, 2004
6:50 pm
Daily Extended Forecast for December 18, 2004
Provided by Astrology.com

The longer you play the game, the harder it might be to maintain your grip on reality. Of course, maybe an escape is exactly what you need right now; in that case, go for it. Games are a fun way to pass the time, especially if you can get someone else to play along with you. Your dreams may be particularly vivid and exciting tonight, but trying to remember them isn't necessary. Sometimes it's nice to just sit back and enjoy what's happening without worrying too much about symbols, metaphors or hidden meanings

6:33 pm
why you'd want to live here
lets see
i went to the river.
i collected wood for this piece i'm going to try and do this week.
i worked all day
thought all day. i contemplated going back to she-town. i contemplated dropping out. thought about school, next semester, people, and i guess just me in general. i think i've fucked up too much. too much time i've wasted.
then i fought. i don't think we will ever get along. i think we've both damaged each other enough. sometimes i think our futures are just a broken hearted phone call away. i don't belong here. anywhere.
this is suppose to be easy.
these are the good years.
i hate how people think they know me. know everything about me and never even really got to know me. if they only asked.

i guess i kind of miss a year ago or so. maybe more. i miss cari and mike and riley and all of those people. i miss burlington. i miss when connor, rizzler, dana, lonna and i all first met and went for a ride got burnt and lost and ate all nora and lona's food. i think we were young then and everything seemed so easy, our biggest problem was spring poe and bruce....now drama just adds up.
not to mention the home life. sometimes i think i'm getting to old to be here. honestly this doesn't upset me, but i don't'think my parents even realize i'm around. ha. i guess that's how it goes. life. sanity. and the ever after.
where is my happy ending.

by the way connor be thankful your in japan. it's better there. this place sucks. and there are no dreamboats and princess'

Current Mood: yesterday had better days
5:26 pm
I used to know you when we were young, you were in all my dreams
We sat together in period one, Fridays at 8:15
Now I see your face in the strangest places: movies and magazines
I saw you talking to Christopher Walken on my TV screen

And I will wait for you
As long as I need to
And if you ever get back to Hackensack
I'll be here for you

I used to work in a record store, now I work for my Dad
Scraping the paint off of hardwood floors, the hours are pretty bad
Sometimes I wonder where you are, probably in L.A.
That seems to be where everybody else ends up these days

And I will wait for you
As long as I need to
And if you ever get back to Hackensack
I'll be here for you

And I will wait for you
As long as I need to
And if you ever get back to Hackensack
I'll be here for you
If you ever get back to Hackensack
I'll be here for you
Thursday, December 16th, 2004
9:59 am
life sucks and so do you

Current Mood: pleased
Tuesday, December 14th, 2004
6:49 pm
a moment for conor
i think it's conor's birthday.
if i am wrong, forgive me.
i think conor is the greatest friend anyone could have(hope your reading this) we miss you.
dana and i got a new house
it's small and in the ghetto.
but when you come you can stay and we'll throw you a be-lated b-day
but it will be small b/c it's small.
i really hope you have a great birthday conor, it's a big one. and probably the best it all goes down hill from here
check these out of abbey
and talk to me soon

Current Mood: thankful
10:01 am
how does it feel to know you'll never be alone
i dream every day that all this will go away.....
i would never treat you unkind
so i guess this is the sweetest goodbye...

yeah another juicy drama loving rumor is under the wraps...
way to be that over dramatic
i'm so glad that the people i use to call my friends are
so, um, for a lack of a better word,
retarded....and so lost in their own dull lives they have to live vicarously through others problems
thanks for the year.......

lets just say i can't wait till this year is finally over
& when i go back to school i won't have to live in that
shit hole ever again.

Current Mood: bitterly happy
Thursday, December 9th, 2004
12:31 pm
fire starters carry no matches
confrontation is a bitch
and so are people who CAN'T KEEP THEIR MOUTHS SHUT.
& oh i can't wait to go home this week
return to my roots for a month
work my ass off...make some money so i can stay in school
promise to cry if
i have to deal with
any more

Current Mood: am i ever happy??
Monday, December 6th, 2004
3:41 pm
as good as it gets
so yea. same shit different day
yea so a whore slept in my bed with a hippie and i'm not suppose to get mad at that.
i'm on the verge of just saying fuck it
i agreed to a one year lease and i didn't even sign it.
it's been a year and guess what ......i'm gone.
i guess karma is a bitch & so are they
i just wish everyone would grow up & get on with it

Current Mood: irritated
Friday, December 3rd, 2004
11:35 am
...and you say you'll never do it again
this week alone has been by far the most regretable(?) week so far. burning bridges & trying to remember i am only human is something that has gone far past my ability to even recollect my mistakes.
started with sunday...stupid..can i say when you mix the three of us girls together, claiming we are have a girls night, never turns out right.
monday....fucking retarded( why oh why.....alcohol makes you do stupid stupid things)
and then to finally realize this on tueday, achieve forgivness, leave your house knowing everything will be okay...
wednesday....stupidity all over again.
one week and school's over, maybe these idiot moves will be to.
i'm taking a break from studying right now, smart move, not seriously.
crash course in economics...everything i didn't learn, which is pretty much everything.
i'm suppose to go to the virgin islands in a week with the family. life may proceed with a little more intent...take me from the cold. please?
say a little prayer for me
i'm going

Current Mood: seriously cold
Monday, October 25th, 2004
6:01 pm
not that one hates a person
yet that one hates a place
i want to leave this town, few months ago i guess i might have loved
it, but i'm kidding no one now. i'm burnt out from it. burnt out from school already. burnt out from work. partying. everything.
i've been sick for two weeks, may be the problem.
my teeth hurt on a day to day basis, not to mention feeling more and more
awkward every damn day. i wanted to go home so bad this weekend and just couldn't make that drive that late. ahhh.
anyway 2 weeks, birthday, getting out of here

and by the way i'm done with drinking, been on the wagon for a week. no more. i'm not paying for anything that's slowly killing me, one day i'll kick the cigs, but drinking for now and so on and so on.

Current Mood: drained
Saturday, September 25th, 2004
8:10 pm
lost in translation
if you hate someone you let them go
if you are hated....you go

when she realizes how much she messed up my world she'll realize home much i wish she was out of it. in most cases i would refrain from caddy behavior, but this is justifiable, to some degree.
discusting girls...

it's the first time i've been home since i left for shep-town a month and a half ago.
i came back and realized one thing, people don't change for the good....they only become bigger assholes....so there for "change" is not good, unless you are good. good meaning= not a dumb bitch?
then the people who do change and do have enough self respect to change for the better....never get the respect they deserve from the "big assholes"
if only we could snap our fingers and they would be gone.
going to go find it.

Current Mood: ecstatic
Tuesday, August 10th, 2004
3:13 pm
better days
it's wednesday. i got up early. i got up early so i could exchange euro's for u.s. currency. not going to happen. couldn't find one place in the whole damn place. besides that money, i'm broke. when i go back to shep town i'm going to try to get my old job back. i know it sucked, but it was money and some what enjoyable, better than having nothing.

besides that.
i remembered a face today. someone i blew off like four years ago. wish i could go back.

Current Mood: calm
Sunday, August 8th, 2004
8:01 pm
i sat here for an hour pouring my heart out, but it got erased. piece of shit
i was content, now i'm pissed.


Current Mood: blind melon
Saturday, August 7th, 2004
10:01 am
it's cold
thursday night was great.
i went back to shep town and was expecting to see no one, but instead i saw all the people who really count.
got incredibly too trashed and paid for it all friday, but now all is good.
i'm home for the remainder of the break, what, like 5 days. i'm dreading school. i know there's more of me, ones who know how shepherd really is, but i only have a year and maybe one semester. the town is the only thing that keeps me going, but it's going to be different this year.
and believe me, my life will not be content and till
some sweet damage is done.

Current Mood: satisfied
Thursday, August 5th, 2004
2:19 pm
brown bag effect
shit hit the fan.
just when you thought everything was perfect
realized it's far from perfect
you think you know someone, you think you trust someone

and then you find out the slept with some overweight dirty whore

that's why shit hit the fan

Current Mood: pissed off
Wednesday, August 4th, 2004
2:02 pm
a week ago today, i wouldn't be here
went home for the next week and a half( the difference between the 4th and the 13th) i figured due to the current unemployment situation, i need not be in shepherdstown. though there isn't much here, there isn't a shoty bar and a million delusional minds.
yet the art of this recent departure has brought me to many questions. i think i'm lost. i'm not the person i use to be. and i know right now if i ran into someone from three/four years ago, they wouldn't even know who is was.
i guess that's growing up.

Current Mood: bitchy
My Website   About LiveJournal.com